Never Come Out to Your Kids at Soccer Practice - Too Funny!

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Permalink Reply by Jo on April 10, 2009 at 7:28pm

Great video! Nice job, Hersband and Wife. I do understand this issue, because I have two children who were 15 and 9 when I came out in 1999. My (straight) marriage ended for reasons having nothing to do with my sexual orientation, though I'd known for many years that I'd been gay. It took me all of two ~days~ to come out to my friends and co-workers once I'd kicked my husband out. With my kids, it took a bit longer...

My daughter, the older of the two, handled it pretty well. My son was initially horrified, but later came to terms with who I was. Then, as he got into his mid- and late-teens, he complained about the "estrogen ocean" of a household comprised of myself, my partner, and his sister, plus my son. So, I supported him in making the move to his dad's home. Ultimately, I just want both my children to be happy, and content with who they themselves are. But I also wanted them to know and respect my true self, because I respect their individuality and choices.

It's not an easy road, especially if you're a parent who once lived as or was seen as "straight" by others, especially your children. I had to explain to my children, once they were old enough to understand, that I had been closeted even from myself, but that I'd always been gay on some deep, visceral level.

Hang in there, and choose your timing. If your kids are rather young, they may not even understand the concept, and you don't need to muddy the waters. Also, if a custody battle is in progress, or ~could~ be an issue if your former spouse is homophobic, it's probably wise to be strategic about coming out. Pick the time and method that works for you specifically. And if you need to wait a bit, that's okay.

Hugs to all the gay parents out there!

Jo

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Permalink Reply by jaysays on April 10, 2009 at 10:03pm

I'd like to think I would post something in their school newsletter - which is probably why I've always thought I'd be a terrible parent.

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